CONDOMS IN FILM: GREASE (1978)

      It’s tough to overestimate the impact of this oh-so-mid-70s musical phenom on the hearts and

minds of anyone who survived the disco era, not to mention their offspring, who experienced its

90s resurgence… even if what the film has to say about sexuality, gender, romance (and

relationships in general) seems like sheer cancel-bait today. For example, take its blink & miss

“dramatic” subplot: Rizzo, Rydell High’s bad-girl senior (played by super-talented but noticeably

33-year-old Stockard Channing) goes parking with hot-rodding delinquent-lite Kenickie (Jeff

Conaway, RIP). As horny as the rest of the Eisenhower Age, they’re about to go all the way

when Kenickie whips something out. No, you naughty nasties! I’m talking about his “25-cent

insurance policy”, a condom so ancient it disintegrates upon contact with the night air.

Instead of making this a teachable moment to school the tool (not to mention all the tweens

packing theaters the summer of ’78) about the destructive, Trojan-melting heat scientifically

generated by gyrating teen buns, selfish sex-crazed Rizzo simply mutters “what the hell” and

does him anyway. She soon skips a period, igniting a pregnancy mini-scare that turns out to be

—shocker— a “false alarm”. Since this good news comes during the movie’s climactic

graduation carnival, we have no choice but to assume Rizzo suffered an off-camera Miscarriage

Via Tilt-A-Whirl.

      Unlike those menopause-adjacent Pink Ladies, we modern women are much in tune with what’s

going on downstairs… thanks to this top-selling Paradise Marketing product line: from pH-

balanced lady-wipes to probiotic urinary tract support and discreetly state-of-the-art toys,

QUEEN V treats your ravish-zone like royalty. The King and all of his horses have nothing on

QV’s soft-touch 2-in-1 silicone vibrator. It’s hot-pink Paradise — with a flutter-tip! Trust me, here

are worse things you could do… with your fierce bad selves during the private she-time we all

so fiercely deserve!