Considering the wide diversity of characters depicted in this deliciously raunchy Pixar-style romantic cartoon adventure/satire, it surprises us that its makers missed the chance to feature the grocery store’s “Family Planning” aisle — populated by swinging condoms and seductive, smooth-talking lubricants! (Though we DO get DO get a hilarious, toxically masculine, villainous douche)
But don’t despair, cinematic scumbag-spotters: our hot dog hero Barry, on a desperate and dangerous trek back to Shopwell’s  — to warn his fellow products about the horrendous fates awaiting anyone purchased by human customers (aka “the Gods”) — meets a distraught used rubber in an alley… and it’s one of this underrated party-flick’s many comic highlights.  “I begged them to stop, but they just wouldn’t!” the traumatized Trojan tells Barry. “First the Gods stretched me til it hurt. Then they went inside me and then… SPLOOOOOJJJ! Look at me,” shrieks the jizz-filled, male-voiced assault victim, “look at me!” 

Perhaps the tragedy could have been lessened if the sexually responsible but eco-unfriendly God who used, then tossed, this unfortunate character had opted for a larger size sheath, for both comfort and security. Speaking of Trojans, Paradise Marketing knows you’re intimately familiar with their infamous Magnum line for genitally ample gentleman, but as size queens of any (or no) gender will attest, sometimes Large isn’t large enough. That’s why we’re hugely thrilled to offer Magnum XL: a whopping 30% roomier than standard condoms! Stock up now… because if your partner’s this majestically meaty, who needs STDs and pregnancy pooping on the party? Certainly not I, dear colleagues!